im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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