Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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