return my video game
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
