if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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