she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.