i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.