the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad