your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
