True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
