I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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