Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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