the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was CRYING into my vagina
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
