just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
