Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
