At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
