The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
