he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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