the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like iHOP with fire
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
