i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
