I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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