how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize