I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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