when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
