so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
