It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
