he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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