whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
