Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
