Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
