My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
