I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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