i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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