Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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