I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
