dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
