My nipple is on Facebook.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
