Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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