i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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