Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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