If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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