Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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