dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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