Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
