nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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