i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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