I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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