There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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