Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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