Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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