So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
