You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
