last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
