Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
