i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
