who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
