I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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