Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
