I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Enjoy the penises
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
