He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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