Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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