I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
