Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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