I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
