Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
