Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
