i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
