Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Damn victory sex feels great
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
