I wannas sexs uuuuu
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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