...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
