you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
50% drunk capacity currently
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
