FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I want is dick and wine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
