I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my shit smells like andre
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
