Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
