my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
