Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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