So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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