I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
