I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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