oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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