Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
