covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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