My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
