Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize