Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
